I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize