Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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