Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
