Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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