i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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