On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
