did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
