His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
