Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
