She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
