I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
