I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The air was thick with penises
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
