He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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