My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
