I smell stomach acid.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
