I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
