Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
