How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
