im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
