when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
