then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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