Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
