absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
