Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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