no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
