somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
