tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
