I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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