could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
