Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
