Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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