Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
