I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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