Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
