Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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