I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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