69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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