lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
