I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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