You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
