It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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