is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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