i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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