If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
