I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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