On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
