Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
