Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
