Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
