Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
