I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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