My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
