DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
