Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will be naked everywhere
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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