Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
