Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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