why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
