My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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