trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
