This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
