Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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