My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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