The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
