this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
