: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
