The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So squirting runs in the family.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
