i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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