Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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