How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
