I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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