i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How does one acquire holy water?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
