I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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