She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
