I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
