They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize